Anonymous said:
I'm #8. I cried when I read your answer. Thank you; your response was better than any hug I could receive.

(#8 continuation) Thank you for sharing.

I’m sincerely glad I could help. I still wish I could give you a hug, though!

Anonymous said:
But how do I stop thinking those thoughts?

(#3 continuation, I think?) You can’t.

You can’t stop a thought, or a feeling. You can only change it.

So you have to identify what exactly it is you want to change, and then you can explore the how.

Anonymous said:
(#7) Thanks :) I feel a lot better getting to tell someone! I think what you're doing is wonderful and truly truly inspiring!!

As a side note I gotta say I hope he learns painfully, and I don't feel bad about that.

(#7 continuation) (: No, thank you for sharing. It’s honestly hard to do that, especially when you’ve internalized it for so long. I hope I can truly and sincerely help those who need it - or at least help guide them. Thank you, again.

Like they say, karma’s a bitch!.. But only if you are. (; He’ll learn that.

happyasfuck4l said:
I'm sick && tired of running out of patience. It's like i've literally been tested in so many different ways within the past 2 weeks that i've become numb to the hurt && pain associated w. the people that have been doing the stupidest things && treating me bad. I literally don't even really get mad anymore. I'm so scared for the moment I blow up on one single person for doing something really little, because I know that the bitterness I have towards everyone else is going to be put onto them. && what is up w. guys that use God as a way to suck you into a relationship.? They need to read the bible && go to church to hear another message or two because they are coming upon Christianity in the complete wrong manner. If your relationship w. God isn't at it's highest peak yet you're sittin' here telling a girl how she "needs to be your beautiful angel to follow God's path together", THERE'S A PROBLEM. Guys that do that piss me off like nothing else. -___- Typing this felt granddd. Lol.

(#10) (; It’s amazing what a guy will do to get a girl (and how easily girls are suckered into it! And vice versa).

So why are you internalizing all your frustration? Sounds like you need an outlet. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with expressing how you feel.

Anonymous said:
Yes. I've always hated him because he did that since I was 5. And he was always abusive to my mom and me. I was so desperate for attention. I'm still like that now with guys, always searching for their attention and affection. If I was more attractive or outgoing I bet I would end up being a slut :( I hate that I need attention like that but I do.

(#3 continuation) And yet that’s perfectly normal as well.

This is what I’ve come to understand from you: Your father was an abusive alcoholic figure in the family, and one who left. Prior to his leaving, he touched you - which you enjoyed - and now you reflect on that unkindly. You’ve always decided that this separation, this former contact, may also be the leading foundation to your thirst for attention.

Did you ever consider the fact that you enjoyed that contact because there is such a powerful bond associated with sex - a bond you weren’t able to receive due to your father’s habits?

Anonymous said:
There's this guy,he asked me out for a movie on 2/11..On the same day,I've promised my frens to go for a movie as well...So I told him that,and he asked to go out together(with frens as well)...My frens said no...What should I tell him now? :(

(#9) Why are you telling him and not your friends?

This boy is willing to make a compromise. That’s remarkable and definitely respectable.

Anonymous said:
But I don't have a loving relationship with him. I hate him. He left my family and he was an alcoholic who was also drunk and abusive in many ways. I dunno.

(#3) A misinterpretation on my part, I apologize.

Though I have to ask: Did you at the time?

Anonymous said:
The one thing I am the most ashamed of in my life is not telling anyone. When I was thirteen, my boyfriend raped me. For the past four years, I lied and tried to convince myself that it wasn't rape, that I had nothing to be ashamed of because I loved him. But it was rape. I didn't want to do it, I said no. I'm ashamed because now I don't have a chance to make my first time be with someone truly special.

(#8) Rape is a truly horrifying and traumatizing thing - and it occurs in so many degrees. And it’s hard, terribly, to cope with. Especially when you’re so young, and still learning who you want to be as a person. To have something that emotionally binding strip you is awful.

I wish I could give you a hug.

Thankfully, you have ample opportunities to make that first time special. Try not to mistake your virginity for that loving connection you will feel for someone when you finally give yourself to them. The break of your hymen is not the robbery of your innocence or affection.

Remember: That former boyfriend didn’t give you that dream. But one day, someone else will.

And THAT will be your true first time. (:

Anonymous said:
*WARNING: super long post*
There was this guy that I had known for a long time and flirted with frequently. It had been a year or so since I'd seen him but I knew he would be at this party at my house. I was going to be late and I heard that my friend had taken a liking to him too. I texted her to let her know that, according to the "Girl Code", he was technically mine and it would be a real bitch move for her to try anything.
Fast forward to that night. He spent the night, but we weren't alone. Despite this fact...all I can bring myself to say is that he did things and I didn't stop him. We didn't have sex but to be honest I would have done it in a heartbeat.
In the morning I woke up and he was gone. No goodbye. Not a text, not a note, nothing. I did text him all day though.
That night I got a text from my friend and found out he was wondering if she liked him because he liked her too. The next day I found out that he had a girlfriend even though he told my friend he didn't.
Nobody knows what happened to me that night. No one knows that he isn't as perfect as he seems. I thought he was perfect. I thought he was everything I'd ever wanted. I was so so wrong.
I haven't seen him since then, but my Mom saw him...with his girlfriend. Poor girl...

(#7) Unfortunately, it takes a long time before we ever know what we truly want.

One day, that boy will either learn very quickly, or very painfully. And hopefully it isn’t catchin’.

(: I’m glad to hear you not only escaped his circle, but have also realized that he’s no Prince Charming (though he certainly plays the part!). Good job!

Anonymous said:
Because I know that it was wrong. Even though it felt good, I knew it was wrong the whole time. And how horrible of a person am I for liking that? That's messed up.

(#3 continuation) None at all. Why would you be horrible for enjoying something that is simply outside of social norms? People do that every day. We all enjoy things that many look differently upon.

It makes you no less of a human being for being intensely attached to your father. The fact that you have such a loving, incredible relationship with him is wonderful, despite any sexual involvement. Yes, this is not frequented in many societies, but no, it doesn’t make you messed up.

Who decides it’s wrong is ultimately you.

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