Anonymous said:
it's my boyfriend birthday soon, and although i have got him a main present, I want to get him something special too, that'll really make him realise my love for him, yet I have NO ideas. I just want him to know how much he means to me. Help?

(#34) .. I hope the birthday hasn’t come and gone! Ah!

Sometimes you shouldn’t get anything. Material presents are great, yes, but the value of those things can be quickly under-minded. Have you played with the thought of making him something instead?

Write him a letter. Set up a romantic dinner for two. I know it sounds crazy, but guys also like those silly cliches, too. Everyone wants to be treated. So sometimes that super special something isn’t more than you and some creativity.

Besides, the best gifts are usually free.

Anonymous said:
I tell people that I've never had a first kiss before, but I really did. My first kiss was when I was in 4th grade. This pedophile kissed me. I've never told anyone that because every time I think about it I feel like I want to rip my lips off. I still rip the skin of my lips because of that. I'm nearly 17 now, and all my friends are getting boyfriends and girlfriends. I don't want one because I don't want to kiss someone. But I always feel bad whenever I lie about kissing someone. I don't know what to do.

(#33) A lot of people struggle with the lost of their “first” anything. But I like to live by the principle that your first time doesn’t occur until you are part of the initiative party.

I think the best method of healing would first be to try and understand that, and then live up to your fear. Maybe what you need is a healthy dose of mutual affection. Somewhere, someone, someday will want to kiss you. Don’t let a perfectly good pair of lips go to waste because someone else decided they couldn’t wait.

It’s hard, but you’ll make it through this.

Anonymous said:
I really like this guy. We always talk and i think we're good friends. Most people on our floor have at one point thought we were going out but we haven't. How can i be sure that he likes me back?

(#32) Ask him.

That’s the only way you can ever truly know.

Hiatus is over!

(: Alright, everyone.

I’m back! And I should have all questions answered in the next few days.

Thank you so much for your patience. I understand it was a terrible time to have to disappear.

Keep strong, folks. You are loved.

Posted 3 years ago


Just a small heads-up:

Several of you have submitted questions that have remained unanswered for a short while. I’m not ignoring anyone by any means, and apologize for the delay. I’ve had a small hiatus from NMS but should start answering questions after Nov. 14th.

Again I apologize for any delays. Stay strong, everyone. (:

Posted 3 years ago

Anonymous said:
I like this boy, He is my ex and i really badly like him but he ignors me and i dont think he likes me back, He broke up with me cos he thought i cheated on him and i didnt. xx

(#31) One of the strange things about relationships is we often transfer our fears onto others because of something we’re doing. What does that mean? There’s a chance he was cheating on you, and transferring the guilt.

It’s always hard to move on from a relationship, especially when you’re so deeply attached to them. But your safest bet would be to get out in that big ol’ world, and try living your life again. Boys are going to come and go, and while you won’t entirely forget about him, you will be able to love others.

Remember the good times you had with this guy, cherish them, but don’t let them direct your life anymore.

Anonymous said:
i have a similar problem as #28. My best friend is a guy. i tell him EVERYTHING. I always thought that he did the same for me. He says we're best friends and he does seem to confide in me alot. But lately it seems like whenever i need him, he's busy. He's ALWAYS with his girlfriend and they fight constantly. but he doesnt want to talk to me about it anymore. i want to be close again. what can i do?

(#30) Give him space.

If there’s one thing society has taught men, it’s that they’re emotionless machines. The fact he was sharing these things with you indicates a close relationship - and this likely alerted his girlfriend in the process. There’s a high chance she saw you as a threat, and for the sake of their relationship, reminded just who his girlfriend was. His response? Zipping the lip with you.

So give him a little time. Let the waters cool, and if things don’t return to normal, talk to him about it. Remind him you guys were pretty tight, and you miss that about him. If things still seem a little awkward, perhaps it’s time to move on. Friendships will come and go, but the ones that are meant to stick will.

Anonymous said:
When i was 12/13, i was sexually assaulted by a family friend who was a year older than me. We would usually have family trips to his house, and this is when it would happen. I always said no, but he just never listened. I was never raped, although he did try, i would always break down and cry, and he would leave. I never told anyone, but no one would of believed me anyway, so i've kept this to myself since then. I keep thinking that its my fault, like i should of done something and he would of stopped. I was copping with it until i was getting older and people would ask questions about being with a guy, and i would put on a brave face to make sure they wouldnt see the hurt on my face whenever something like that gets brought up. It only stopped when he moved away, but now he has been messaging me saying he wants to hang out, and its brought everything back again, after i tryed so long, just to try and forget. I dont want to see him, i just want to forget it all. So, i can move on, i just dont know how to do that.

(#29) Your steps for moving on are, sadly, the hardest.
Very rarely do I enjoy telling people what to do - I rather suggest them. However, you are approaching a dangerous situation. So bear with me.

First and foremost, find a support system. Find someone you can talk to, share your troubles with - it doesn’t even have to be a real person. It can be your dog, your cat, your favorite stuffed animal, anything you can derive comfort with - though often having a face attached to that gives it deeper meaning. If none of those options are available to you, consider searching via the web. Someone, somewhere would be willing to listen to your story.

On that note, have you ever heard of the Experience Project? - These people can give you that support, and you can also remain anonymous.

Next, don’t give in to his demands. He hurt you, immeasurably, and what he did is a crime. Let him know that. Let him know you have no desire to see him, not after what he did to you in the past. Seeing him will only hurt you in the long run.

And last, consider seeing a professional therapist - or finding a support group. Again, I’ll mention the Experience Project. Your belief that no one would believe you may be deeply rooted to a lack of trust in others, but sexual assault is a very serious crime. And people listen when you tell them about it.  It’s very traumatizing, and it’s hard to get through alone. There are thousands of people ready to listen to your story - so don’t try and make that journey by yourself.

I sincerely wish you the best of luck.

Anonymous said:
Theres this girl im close with, and in the past ive liked her alot but nothings ever happened. I wanna talk to her alot but i dont want to annoy her, and when she
talks to other guys shes closer with i get a bit jealous because i wish it was me.Is there anything i can do to stop feeling like this?
and also what are some good things to start a conversation with to her?

(#28) The funny thing about feelings is you can’t stop them from happening. And the more you try to resist them, the stronger they seem to get.

Clearly if you’re closed to this girl, the likelihood that you could annoy her is small. In fact, your avoidance of conversation might be more grating than not. I can’t offer cue cards as to what you can discuss with this girl, but I’ll let you in on a secret: Women are suckers for honesty.

Be yourself, let it come naturally, and tell her. Let her know. What’s the worst that can come from it? She doesn’t share your feelings? If you don’t tell her, then you’ll never know. (:

Anonymous said:
theres this girl who i thought i was close with and she said we were too, but lately she hasnt talked to me much, i have to ask her questions just to get her to talk to me and even then its just her answering my questions and seems like she just doesnt want to talk to me, she talks fine to all her other close guy friends,i dont know what i could of done, can you help?

(#27) Girls are tough customers! Mind games seem to be our favorite sport as of late. In all likelihood, it probably wasn’t you. Perhaps there’s an issue in her life that’s making her uncomfortable, and because she’s struggling with coping with it, she doesn’t know how to behave around you. I suggest being straight with her. Tell her how you feel - that she’s distancing you and it hurts your feelings where you thought your relationship was important. Let her know you’re concerned, and you just want to be there for her like any friend - even though right now she’s not treating you like one. Your honesty might just be what it takes to get her to open up to you, or at least give you an idea of why she’s behaving so strange. Good luck! (:

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